Probationary Friends

Tomorrow is an important anniversary for my husband and me.  It is not our wedding anniversary, or the day we met.  Nor is it the day we got engaged.  It's not any of those semi-normal days of remembering in a relationship.  It is, instead, the day of remembering on October 23rd, year 2004*, that we were no longer "probationary friends."  The restrictions were lifted and we were allowed to take that next step.... dating.

Now, truth be told, we had already dated.  That was part of the problem.  I had already "gone out with him" (albeit, when I was half -the-world away in New Zealand).  Then I promptly discarded him after the two-month trial was over.  (To that date, I had consistently broken up with my boyfriends after two months.)  There had been so many ups and downs in the two years since we had met that he didn't even feel we were able to start back at friends--we had to be "probationary friends."

It is probably the curse of the genius that they need to give a term to every idea in their universe.  My poor on-again-off-again boyfriend/friend/enemy had to make a term for what was going on.  Obviously I had already broken his heart once before, but just so everyone was clear that he wasn't just opening himself up to let it happen again, he defined what was taking place: probation.  Examination.  Evaluation.  Should I pass the test and be considered a friend, only then was it possible to move on to more-than friends.

I understood his need to do that.  I really did.  I had been a fickle and flirty freshman when he met me, and there were things I said and did that weren't so nice.  I was happy for a chance to redeem myself.  I had realized, after some time, that he actually was a pretty amazing guy and I didn't really want to let him go.  This revelation came as a great surprise to me, since I had previously written a long list defining the reasons why I could never be in a relationship with such a man.  In fact, I sent him this list; just so that he knew why he was doomed to failure.  Yes.  I did.  And so you see why we needed to be probationary friends.

But, praise God, I passed the test!  I was let off probation, and today I am the wife of a very forgiving man.  Tomorrow I celebrate, because we are no longer probationary friends.

*I had previously written 2005, but that was definitely wrong..... :-P