We don't like the idea of lying to our children. This applies to all aspects of our parenting, but it especially came up recently with the talk of Santa flying through the sky on reindeer. We don't necessarily have a problem with the idea of Santa, but we've felt no need to mention him. He's not real, nor is he the reason we celebrate. I didn't think this would cause any problems. How could it? It's not like I told my son about Santa and then proceeded to tell him that Santa wasn't real. Now that, I could see that bring problematic. I could just see my all-knowing three-year old prancing around telling other kids they were wrong about Santa. That would cause an argument or two in the playgroups.... But, like I said, I didn't do that. I figured we'd just pass by the Holiday season without much mention of the big guy in the red suit.
What I didn't count on was other people talking to my son about Santa. Boy was I shocked the first time someone asked my son, "So, are you excited about Santa coming?"! My poor son turned to me with a look of utter confusion and just hid under my legs. I'm sure he must have thought that person mistook him for someone else--someone else who might have had family visiting....maybe a member of the family named "Santa." Hmmmm..... maybe something like that.
Then it happened again and again. Once, while at the checkout at CVS, a woman asked him, "Are you ready for Santa?" And my son smiled wide with a mischievous grin, "not quite......!" At that point, I think it had become a game to him. I finally asked him last night, "who's Santa?" To this, he had only one reply: "I don't know."
I'm not sure how widespread it is, but at least here in our little town, Santa sure seems to be a big part of the culture. I hadn't realized that before, but I certainly know it now. I had a short talk with my son about things people think of when they talk about Santa. To be honest, I'm not sure that he really cared. Seems like maybe he just loved all the attention and questions, regardless of whatever the people might have been talking about. I guess I shouldn't be surprised. He is a three year old after all. What's more important--understanding life, or making sure it revolves around you?
Thanks for posting this. We aren't sure what to do about Santa at this point, but are considering not having any sort of Santa traditions because we don't want to make Christmas about the wrong thing - i.e. we want to focus on Jesus instead of the big guy in the red suit. But man alive, we've had a ton of people talk to Ruthie/us about Santa this year. What do you do about telling/not telling family about how you are not doing Santa? Any suggestions?
ReplyDeletehahaha! I LOVED this post! We just went through basically the same exact scenario. I figured we wouldn't make a big deal about it, and treat Santa just like we do the Grinch, Mickey Mouse or Winnie the Pooh. But I hadn't counted on her dance teacher telling her she had to be good or Santa wouldn't come to our house. Yikes! "But Mommy, Santa is coming to all the other girl's houses....how come he isn't coming to our house?" Oi. Why is it always so much more complicated than it should be!?!?
ReplyDeleteWe've made it clear to our family that we're not "doing Santa," but that doesn't mean that we don't talk about him at all. Corinne gets excited when she sees caricatures of him on lawns and buildings, etc., and we allow her to watch Christmas movies featuring Santa (we even own a few). However, we also explained to her the real reason for celebrating Christmas (which was helped a great deal by our nativity themed Advent calendar). We also watched a Veggie Tales episode about the story of Saint Nicholas. My mom was afraid that she shouldn't use Santa wrapping paper or Santa ornaments, which is really not a concern to us. We have, though, had tons of strangers ask her what Santa is bringing her, is she excited about Santa coming, etc. Topher is more vocal about calling people out on the fact that we choose not to lie to our children, which I'm sure has ruffled some feathers. I just take it in stride and Corinne did at one point express some concern over whether Santa was bringing anything for her, and I explained that Daddy and Mommy would be giving her plenty of presents, so not to worry, and that was the end of it. We haven't ever said the words, "Santa's not real," so I *hope* there is no risk of her telling her friends the truth, but if she does, so be it!
ReplyDeleteIt seems like only yesterday when I encountered the same surprise that you write about -- thinking it was pretty simple, to just kind of let it pass.....until others interject their perspective and you don't want to get all stuck on an argument about a fun story.
ReplyDeleteI will add that a relatively new friend gave her testimony at a Bible Study not too long ago. She shared that she was probably in 5th grade, and probably one of the last kids in her class to still ''believe'' in santa. Well, when she discovered that her mother had lied to her, she was devastated, and decided that she couldn't trust her mom about anything important...and if Santa was a lie, then God must be a lie, too. She experienced many years of lonliness and anger as an adult because of feeling betrayed. God is persistant, and lovingly brought reconciliation and peace to her heart.-- Needless to say she is eager to be sure that children are told the truth -- and she and I agree, that even when you tell them the absolute truth from day one, kids have wonderful imaginations and can dream of and wish for anything. But as for me, I could not really forgive myself if I had knowingly lied to or betrayed the trust of a child, or caused them any unnecessary pain or confusion.
well, cat, i'm not sure you should ask me that question! i don't really have much advice to offer, since we didn't discuss any of it with our families. santa wasn't a big thing in either of our houses growing up, so it's not something we felt we needed to discuss with our parents now that we have our own kids. sounds like you should ask jen about it! :D
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