The child in the room

You know the phrase "the elephant in the room"?  It's the idea that there is something lingering on everyone's collective thoughts, but no one is willing to come out in the open and talk about it.  I think "the child in the room" should be the phrase used to describe the exact opposite--when there is something lingering on everyone's collective thoughts, and everyone wants to talk about it.

Most parents of small children are probably acutely attuned to this phenomenon.  You can't walk into a small store, or stand too long in one place at a grocery store, without a stranger approaching you about your child.  "Oh, what beautiful brown hair he has!"... actually, it's a girl.  "Oh, such big brown eyes!"....actually, they're green.  "Oh, he must be three months old; am I right?!" ....no, you're wrong.  He's six months old.

Sometimes I find it hard not to react, at least inwardly, in a somewhat begrudging tone.  It's as if this stranger can't help but say something, but doesn't really have anything useful, or even accurate, to say.  And there are also the times that I just really don't want all eyes on me and my children.

I was at a fast food restaurant this past weekend; we were far from home and my hypoglycemic son very much needed to eat a meal.  My 10 month old daughter, though beaming with joy, had mucous smeared all over her face.  Try though I might, it was nearly impossible to get much of the snot off of her face since a) the tools available to me at Wendy's were not quite sufficient and b) my daughter fought me at every move.  And so, I tried my hardest to steer clear of any possible interactions with the general public.  I desperately avoided eye contact with anyone but my daughter and son.  I was doing pretty well until a worker came to clean a table next to ours.  My son couldn't help but stare at her spray bottle and ask me inquisitively what she might be doing.  And when your child is staring at someone else, it always seems like the nice thing to do to acknowledge that person and briefly explain why your child is so enthralled with him or her....  So, I had no choice but to give up on my intentional avoidance of others and look this woman in the eye.  It took just one look for the conversations to begin.

It felt like the room erupted around me.  "Oh, look at that little girl!  How adorable!"  "Yes, and her big eyes!"  "And what little feet!"  "My feet were never that small...." "And are you her brother?  You must be a great big brother!"  On and on and on it went.  I just wanted to flee the scene as quickly as possible.  But of course, my son was lapping it up.  His face was beaming with delight; oh how he relishes the attention!  There I was, trying as well as I could to cover my daughter's face so that it might be a little less obvious that she was covered in green snot from forehead to chin.  My son is thinking, "this is GREAT!" and I'm thinking, "get me OUT of HERE!"  But of course, I couldn't make a run for it.  We were stuck there until my son finished eating.  And he is a slow eater.

A lot of times you hear a parent talk about how much longer everything takes because of having small children.  It's true.  But it's not just because of the children themselves.  It's also because of all the passerby en-route who have something to say about the children.  Don't ever expect to get through the grocery line quickly.  But on the other hand, if you're ever looking for a way to grab the attention of an entire room with very little effort--carry a baby with you.  Never fails.