Before and After Syndrome

I'd never experienced the Before and After Syndrome frequently until I had children.  I am positive that everyone has experienced the Before and After Syndrome in some form at some point in their life.  But I think it's true to say that parents are especially prone to experiencing this phenomenon.

Before children:  You see an exasperated mother with her toddler and infant at the grocery store.  The toddler is whining for a sweet snack.  Mother says no.  After constant pleading from toddler, mother gives in.  You watch, shocked, how could she give in like that?  You'd never allow such positive rewards for such negative behavior....  what terrible parenting.

After children:  You're exasperated.  You've been up half the night with your infant.  Your toddler has been beating up on her all morning because he's stuck inside from the winter cold.  You're at the grocery store and you're mind is about to pop.  Just to quiet the storm, you let your toddler have the treat he's been pleading for, just so you can have at least fifteen minutes of fight-free shopping.  One less battle.


I used to have so many great ideals....  like, no eating in the car.  Right.  And then I gave birth to a son with a genetic disorder that necessitates his eating often.  So much for keeping food out of the car--unless I want to make frequent stops on any journey that takes us outside county lines.

It's amazing how strongly we feel about something at one time, and then, in another season of life, feel completely different.  It's almost like we become different people.  Sometimes it feels like that's really what happens.  But I think, honestly, that we're not really changing to such a great extent.  We're merely being refined.  We see more clearly where our priorities are and what we're willing to give up for them.  My sanity is important.  So I'm willing to give up a small mother-toddler battle for it.  My child's health and safety are crucial, and so I'm willing to give up the cleanliness of my car to keep him out of the hospital.

It is funny, though, to look at the before and afters...  to see how changing seasons have brought out certain changes in our outward attitudes and actions.  There are times that I'm glad I never wrote a book about all the opinions I used to have.  Boy would I be embarrassed to look back on it now...!